Good Medicine for a Rough Day

I left the office today at 6pm saying to Bryan, "This is not the life I wanted."  Right now, we are one month into owning our own business.  Anyone who has done this before knows what that means and feels like.  After working nearly 10 hours today and not making a penny, sometimes all I want is to be an hourly employee and be able to say, "well that was a rough day, but at least I made X amount of money."

I feel stretched and challenged in ways I never imagined would happen when Bryan and I decided we would be dentists.  And no, this has nothing to do with teeth and everything to do with paying bills and making sure the deposits are bigger than the withdrawals… so anyone with a small business can relate.

So naturally, I pulled the pregnancy card to get out of going to a dental meeting tonight (the massive headache was not fictitious, however I'm sure work, and not pregnancy, was the culprit).  I was going to get home and get some more work done, but that still small voice in me beckoned me to sit down, slow down, and read.  I love how the Lord knows what I need in both the little and big things.

I've been reading through the Sermon on the Mount for a few months, and it has been just the good medicine I've needed for this transition time.  Tonight I wrapped it up, and Sinclair Ferguson (via his commentary "Sermon on the Mount") was so profound.  He said, "The sphere of blessing is also the sphere of battle."  Satan wants to drag me down with worry, fear, doubt, stress, anxiety, regret, and even ingratitude.  The blessing we have to own our dental practice and to be in this position is outrageous!  How dare I complain about that blessing by telling Bryan this isn't what I want.

The answer: realign my vision.  "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matt 6:33).  We are not promised an easy life, in fact the gate is narrow and the way is hard, but - it leads to life!  Surely these struggles and trials are the Lord's means to work out grace, trust, and faith in my life.  To do what he has called me to and know that he will give me what I need.  Physically yes, but even more so, in a spiritual since.  He will give me the strength to face tomorrow, of that I am sure.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;

you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me, it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord God my refuge

that I may tell of all your works."

Psalm 73:24-28

Daring to Hope

I have been overwhelmed by the response and number of people who are praying for our Little Ones.  The hardest part of bearing the initial news following our first ultrasound was the feeling of zero hope - processing that the little one (we refer to them as Big Dubs and Little Dubs - Dubs being short for "Baby W"), Little Dubs, was alive, but just barely, that he/she would not survive, that I should expect bleeding and cramping in the coming weeks, and that was that.  No chance of survival.  But with each person praying, and each story we hear of miracle survivals of a "vanishing twin", and each day with no cramps or bleeding, my hope grows.

The babies are 11 weeks old today.  In 7 days we are half way to viable.  In 14 days we finish the first trimester.  But... in 8 days we get another ultrasound, and part of me can't wait to see the babies again, and part of me doesn't want it to happen, because we will know for sure if Little Dubs is alive or not, and his/her not being alive is the much more likely discovery.  The not knowing for sure, the hope, the desperate prayer all have lifted me, and I now dread the news, which to our doctors was sure to happen.

Please pray for peace, grace, strength, courage… and a miracle.

"My frame was not hidden from You,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in Your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me.

when as yet there was none of them."

Psalm 139:15-16

2014: A Year of Change

Here is the follow up to Tuesday's post - 2013 was a year of blessing and transition.  In 2014 we look ahead to several big things that have and will change our lives forever.

1) We bought a business 

- a dental practice to be precise.  Everyday we are excited and humbled as we begin this life-long journey of taking care of a business, patients, and employees.   Pray for us!

2) We are going to have a baby!

We cannot wait to meet Baby Wingate in August!  Needless to say, we are thrilled, nervous, excited, scared, giddy, overjoyed... and I'm sure these emotions about being parents and having children will continue to change over the next 80 years.  We praise the Lord for the amazing miracle of life!

Again, pray for us!  Specifically, we found out 2 weeks ago that we have two miracles, yes twins!  But in the same instant, we learned that one of the babies will probably not make it.  He/she is very small and has a weak heartbeat.... but, it has a heartbeat!  We are praying for a miracle, for God to save this precious little life despite the odds. 

Bryan's reaction to his early Christmas present

2013: A Year of Transition & Blessing

Well, hello!  It's been nearly 6 months since my last post - where has the time gone?  I won't bore you with all the details of the blog posts I've started and never finished.  It's a new year, and although I'm not necessarily resolving to be a "better blogger", we'll see what the new year brings!

To wrap up all the details of the second half of 2013 in one post would be long and boring (because most of it includes working long hours during long weeks, and I have a feeling you don't care about Bryan's new root canal system or other discoveries made in the dental office).  But, if you would indulge me, I'd love to reflect on 2013 as a whole, just briefly, how it changed Bryan and I forever.... then we will move on to this year!

The Lord has filled my heart with such gratitude for the multitude of blessings He lavishly bestowed on us throughout last year.

- passing boards - graduating dental school - a celebration trip -

- grandparents' heath decline, then recovery, then more decline -

- a new house - a new job - a new town - a new church -
- new friends - new sister-in-law - new nephews -

Truly, we have been blessed abundantly above and beyond what we could ask or imagine.  And we thank our Heavenly Father for these blessings.

The Lord promises to give us what we need.  Yet frequently He gives us above and beyond, and for that it is fitting to praise Him for His goodness, to remember this time in the future when things may not look or feel as rosey, and to point others to the one who gives us all good things.

Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

your judgments are like the great deep;

man and beast you save, O LORD.

How precious is your steadfast love, O God!

The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Psalm 36:5-7